Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
