I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
