You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
