I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
