Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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