Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize