Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
