Porn is love you can see.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
