you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
