Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
