Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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