he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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