i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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