I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
