He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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