I faked an abortion last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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