barbara walters just said penis...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
