I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
