I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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