I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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