did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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