i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
