i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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