haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
