Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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