you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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