they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
