Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
