I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
