i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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