OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
