she looked like the bat from fern gully.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
