I hope mine doesn't look like that
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
