He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
