Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Randomize
