Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
