Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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