mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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