Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
