some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
