Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
