Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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