Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
