i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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