I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
