he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Less talking, more tequila
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
