I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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