When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Your tits are I can't wait for
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
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Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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