i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
