**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
