Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
