sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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