i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
