Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
