And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
