Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
