I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
