Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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