That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
