He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
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I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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