Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
