So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
