Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
