ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
