flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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