you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
