READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
