I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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