I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
