I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
