I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize