YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
