My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
