i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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