omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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