too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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