i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
